Home Again - The Other Side of Living Alone

If there could be a Utopian world for me, I would like to have the possibility to combine living with the family and some periods of being on my own. The ideal life of a gypsy woman.

As you all know, I’d moved away from Switzerland to live on my own for a year.

After a voluntary break of one and a half years from living with the family (interspersed with short trips back home), getting back isn’t a piece of cake and I must add, one can never be prepared enough.

At the end of the year, I was beginning to get a sense of restlessness and looking forward to getting back to my old routine. I had started preparing a month ahead in time and was training myself to look forward to being back home again.

The weather in Delhi at that time of the year helped build my resoluteness - who doesn’t want to get away from the heat and go back to the mountains?!

As far as work is concerned, I know it would run smoothly enough even if I was away because of the solid team I was leaving behind.

Would you believe me if I said, a part of me was excited about doing simple household chores like planning the grocery shopping and putting a wholesome meal on the table?

What I was missing the most were the weekend dinners at home over a glass of wine accompanied by discussions ranging from politics, philosophy, travelling plans, bantering chats, future plans to loud guffaws and jokes. Plus the sense of warmth and belonging.

Culture Shock, Again!

When I got back home, the reception at the airport was pretty emotional and so was the familial smell that hit me as soon as I opened the house door.

And then came the shock.

I was completely taken aback by what I saw. The kitchen looked like it belonged to a flat-sharing community although everyone had taken a lot of care to tidy up things the night before.

What hit me hard was that it was no longer my household that I had so meticulously maintained. I realized I needed to gain back control not only of my life in my home country but also of my household.

As soon as I stepped back inside, I was overwhelmed by an urge to declutter my life and my home. And that’s what I set about doing the very next day itself after the stuff in the suitcases had been put away neatly.

I began throwing away old clothes mercilessly and felt lighter when the cupboards looked half empty. I went headlong into being a homemaker, taking charge of home and hearth like a woman possessed. I didn’t spend a minute looking back at the life I had made for a year and a half and that helped with my transition back.

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The Return to My Fitness Routine

One of the wisest things I did was to get back to my fitness routine as quickly as possible.

I renewed my gym subscription 3 days after my return and I was out running in my woods in 2 days. I can’t tell you the indescribable joy I felt when I stepped into my woods - the clean crisp air, the lush greenery of spring foliage, the smell of moist wood, the pine needles beneath my feet as I ran like the wind - I felt like all of this had been waiting to welcome me back. The gratitude I felt in my heart was priceless.

And just this one thing was enough to get me back to my regular life with a jolt.

As soon as I got my fitness regime in grip, I felt I was back in control of my life. And that in itself is a very fulfilling feeling. 

A Changed Woman

I must admit there are times I realize this being away for a year and a half has left its mark in my life. It’s bound to.

I’ve noticed that I get into my phases of detachment even when I continue to do household chores and entertaining guests to perfection. There are times I yearn to be on my own at least for a couple of days.

I also get irritable with little things and that in turn irritates me. Things like the car seat not being put back to the position I like after a family member has driven it. Or fixing dinner appointments with friends when many preferences need to be taken into consideration. I realize my adaptability has waned reasonably but it could also be an age thing.

But some things never change.

In all the time that I had been away, I had never stopped being a mother and wife. Because that just doesn’t happen. Since I had to only take care of my needs and my timings, I do need to make an extra effort to not be egoistic and let the families welfare come first.

While I have become fiercely guarded about my space and time, I have people around me who understand that my transition back will take some more time - and that’s a lot to be grateful for.