MAKING LOVE TO OURSELVES
“Apna haath jagannath” - a phrase I first heard when I was in the 11th grade. The naive fool that I was, it took me quite some time to figure it out. I had been a “weaving fantasies in my head” sort from a very early age, even before I hit my teens.
I used to concoct love stories in my mind as I lay in bed at night, about my cousin’s friends and how we’d be interacting as shy kids. I chose a different boy every night, most of them never even knew I existed. As I grew slightly older, the known boys became unknown men and I’d prescribe different identities to them. They could be from anywhere in the world. I used to fall asleep to thoughts of love stories woven in a Mills & Boon style. Touching myself down there came later and rather naturally as the body started sending signals to the brain. Until then, it was all about innocent love.
Writing about this “rush-rush” experience of my youth reminds me of an incident that’s stayed with me across the years.
I had taken my then 2-year-old daughter to her friend’s house in Zurich to play. The little girl’s mom greeted me at the door and asked me to wait with my daughter in the living room. On asking if Sara was sleeping, I was told she’s fiddling with her private parts and the mom wanted her to finish her game in peace. I almost fell off the couch and the very erudite mom explained to me that some kids have this urge to satisfy themselves and it’s a very natural instinct. I had been stunned, not so much at what the child was doing but at the way the mom had reacted in such a matter of fact way. My mind had drifted back to the way I had grown up.
Female masturbation is not just a physical act, it needs a lot of mental stimulation. Some need to weave stories in their minds about a situation, some need to think of a person (someone we know personally or sometimes it’s a celebrity we feel sexually attracted to), some need to think of memories, some need to watch porn or some need to read erotica.
Whatever works for you - it’s different for everyone.
In our society, most women feel a huge shame attached to masturbation. They think of it as something wrong - like it means you’re almost “cheating” on your partner. Without delving into the much more complicated discussion on how the mind actually works as far as erotic behaviour is concerned, I’d say, there’s absolutely no shame or guilt in experiencing an orgasm on your own, letting the thoughts flow freely.
There are many who masturbate together with their partners. For them, a good sexual act isn’t complete without masturbation and they need the partner to help them out. This creates a different level of intimacy that’s glorious.
person and his/her tantrums and emotional paraphernalia that one needs to deal with. I must add, my point is not to advocate this over sex with a partner at all. It’s something that can go hand-in-hand - all puns intended.
There are wonderful gadgets available in the market, some targeting the clitoris, some for the vagina and some for both. Get one (or many!) that suit you and enjoy making love to yourself. Let your mind fly free with fantasies, without any barriers, restrictions or feelings of guilt. It’s all about you.
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