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FIERY OVER FORTY
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MAKING LOVE TO OURSELVES

1/30/2019

10 Comments

 
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“Apna haath jagannath” - a phrase I first heard when I was in the 11th grade. The naive fool that I was, it took me quite some time to figure it out. I had been a “weaving fantasies in my head” sort from a very early age, even before I hit my teens. ​
I used to concoct love stories in my mind as I lay in bed at night, about my cousin’s friends and how we’d be interacting as shy kids. I chose a different boy every night, most of them never even knew I existed. As I grew slightly older, the known boys became unknown men and I’d prescribe different identities to them. They could be from anywhere in the world. I used to fall asleep to thoughts of love stories woven in a Mills & Boon style. Touching myself down there came later and rather naturally as the body started sending signals to the brain. Until then, it was all about innocent love.
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The traditional Indian upbringing when I was young, somehow conditioned us to only think of love, what with all the mushy Bollywood movies we grow up with. On top of that, lust or sexual desire were rather taboo words. They were never spoken of out loud and there was usually a “dirty” tag attached to it. And if you were a woman - god forbid sexual desire even be discussed. Girls from “good families” didn’t talk about such things, let alone indulged in the real act of actually making out with a real person. Sex was something to be had after marriage only with the blessings of our elders.

​As I grew older, in my mid-teens, the hand automatically started to wander around my own body, especially at night under the thin cotton covers. They discovered the wetness and the contours. The way the body responded to touch. Sometimes, it would mean bolting the door after a shower and using a hand mirror to explore the shape of my evolving womanhood. Everything had to be hurried as there was always an element of shame involved in the mind.

Writing about this “rush-rush” experience of my youth reminds me of an incident that’s stayed with me across the years.

​I had taken my then 2-year-old daughter to her friend’s house in Zurich to play. The little girl’s mom greeted me at the door and asked me to wait with my daughter in the living room. On asking if Sara was sleeping, I was told she’s fiddling with her private parts and the mom wanted her to finish her game in peace. I almost fell off the couch and the very erudite mom explained to me that some kids have this urge to satisfy themselves and it’s a very natural instinct. I had been stunned, not so much at what the child was doing but at the way the mom had reacted in such a matter of fact way. My mind had drifted back to the way I had grown up.
I won’t get into the nitty-gritty of what masturbation entails but it does involve a good understanding of our own bodies.
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There needs to be a certain level of love and acceptance of our bodies to want to make love to it. This is my personal opinion. More importantly, one needs to know if we are women who have clitoral or vaginal orgasms. While the majority of people think that sex is about the vagina, statistics show that a much higher percentage of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation than through vaginal, although a woman is capable of both.

Giving it time and space is also something that’s very important. It sure is possible to get a quick Big O by using the shower jet but one mustn’t forget that like any other thing, sex begins in the brain. So it’s good to plan it and get into the mood for it. It’s your private space, so do it at a time when you are comfortable with your surroundings.
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Female masturbation is not just a physical act, it needs a lot of mental stimulation. Some need to weave stories in their minds about a situation, some need to think of a person (someone we know personally or sometimes it’s a celebrity we feel sexually attracted to), some need to think of memories, some need to watch porn or some need to read erotica.

Whatever works for you - it’s different for everyone.

In our society, most women feel a huge shame attached to masturbation. They think of it as something wrong - like it means you’re almost “cheating” on your partner. Without delving into the much more complicated discussion on how the mind actually works as far as erotic behaviour is concerned, I’d say, there’s absolutely no shame or guilt in experiencing an orgasm on your own, letting the thoughts flow freely.
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There are many who masturbate together with their partners. For them, a good sexual act isn’t complete without masturbation and they need the partner to help them out. This creates a different level of intimacy that’s glorious.
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 What I find the best part about masturbation or “klittra” as they call it these days, is the fact how emancipated and empowered we feel to be able to take our sexuality in our own hands. We aren’t dependent on any other human for our pleasures. On top of that, it gives a very heightened understanding of our bodies which help us have very fulfilling sex with our partners.

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A friend told me once “masturbation is a wasted opportunity.” For me, it’s just the opposite, it’s me being in control of my mind, body and my sexuality. I can’t tell you what a liberating thing it has been for me. There's no other
person and his/her tantrums and emotional paraphernalia that one needs to deal with. I must add, my point is not to advocate this over sex with a partner at all. It’s something that can go hand-in-hand - all puns intended.
​

There are wonderful gadgets available in the market, some targeting the clitoris, some for the vagina and some for both. Get one (or many!) that suit you and enjoy making love to yourself. Let your mind fly free with fantasies, without any barriers, restrictions or feelings of guilt. It’s all about you.
10 Comments
Lily
1/31/2019 07:34:24 pm

Hello Tisha,

I believe this is so personal and one own's choice. Make no sense to discuss on it. For me personally, this is against nature and anybody promoting it is against almighty.
You , me or anybody are not authorized to change this phenomenon which GOD installed in all of us. Going against his will is very harmful for universe.
I am your page follower and I respect your opinion but please don't ever promote such things which is against nature's LAW.

Instead try to spread pure vibes so that our planet flourishes.

NOT EVERY INDEPENDENCE IS BENEFICIAL.

Take Care ...Good Day .

Reply
Tisha Palit link
2/2/2019 12:20:15 am

Hi Lily,
Thanks for your comment. We all don’t need to agree with everything.
I never thought of masturbation as something unnatural or against nature. Or impure.
You are surely entitled to your opinions.

Reply
Gee Kaul link
2/4/2019 10:44:50 am

Hey Tisha,

Amazing. We need more women like you so our kids don't go through all the crap we did. Install waiting for women to be truly liberated... when we get the guts to ask what we want... to do what we want.
I recently saw Lust Stories on Netflix which deals with these stigmas ... one of the stories directed by Karan Johar is about this.
I'm waiting for true liberation of women and that is from the woman herself (inside and around) ... Not the man.

Wo subah kabhi to aayegi...

Reply
Tisha Palit link
2/5/2019 12:34:26 am

Dear Gee,
Thanks for your encouraging words.
You have summed it up just right.....true liberation is from the woman herself.

Reply
Gargi Chaudhuri
2/11/2019 07:47:53 am

Dear Madam,

I am intending to open an NGO related to sex nd sexialiry..
Can we connect regarding this
Gargi Chaudhuri

Reply
Tisha link
2/12/2019 12:06:46 am

Hi Gargi,
You could write to me at tishapalit@gmail.com about your NGO. If need be, we can get into a phonemail once.

Reply
Sharmila Govande
10/30/2019 11:39:40 pm

Dear Tisha,

Thank you for writing this piece. It means a lot to me and in my journey to discover myself...

Sharmila

Reply
Tisha Palit link
10/30/2019 11:45:25 pm

Dear Sharmila,
Your words mean a lot to me!Thank you so much.

Reply
Eskayyy
11/2/2019 11:21:31 pm

Dear Trisha..
I was only concerned and shocked at the 2 year old girl had to finger her private body parts....
Not so early, right?

Reply
Tisha Palit link
11/2/2019 11:30:04 pm

Hi,
There are some kids who have this urge to finger and find pleasure at an early age. It’s a natural instinct. They don’t know it’s sexual. I have heard of similar stories.

The girl is doing fine. She’s 22, in her final year of engineering at MIT on a full scholarship.

Reply



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    tisha Palit

    - Certified fitness Trainer
    - English and German Teacher
    ​- Meditation Practitioner 

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