REDISCOVERING OUR LOVE AND PASSION

​Love, lust, and passion - these are some of the most hushed up topics of our lives; yet some of the most dominant ones as well because of how taboo they are. When was the last time you talked about passion and sex the same way you talk about setting goals for your life or your fitness levels?

Not for nothing, but I have noticed a curious resurgence of sexual desire in women over 40 and the ways it manifests in their lives. 
 
For instance, I’ve heard from three of my friends (all published authors) about how necessary it is for them to be in love in order to write. I have also discussed extensively with open-minded friends about how love and passion cannot be picket-fenced through any institution or moral codes.

There could be many reasons as to why we feel the urge to touch base with our sensuous and passionate selves all over again.

It could be because we have more time on our hands, boredom or even the anxious feeling that life and all that youth entails is passing by.

But the truth is, sexuality doesn’t die just because you’ve crossed a numerical threshold and because the whole world expects you to be an asexual version of yourself just because of that particular.
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We need to own up to the fact that we are sexual beings and age has nothing to do with our physical desires. The need for physical intimacy is a reality, whether you’re 25, 45, or 55. ​

Look Again! It’s Time to Open Up

If you recalibrate yourself just a little, your 40s could be the best time of your life.

Think about it - instead of thinking that your best years are behind you (sexually speaking), you could be standing at a brand new threshold.

Your 40s could be the time to rejuvenate your love-life with your long-term partner. By the way, the most important tool for this is an open conversation.

Speaking honestly and openly about your relationship might have been tough during the years of discussions on children’s education and well-being, household and familial responsibilities e.t.c., but believe me, talking it out is the only way to go.

An open conversation requires that you make the time to get in touch with your own needs first - both mental and physical. If you’ve allowed the important things to slide or be shelved away, it’s now time to be assertive about your needs - otherwise, you’re going risk enormous amounts of frustration and a sense of resentment creep in. Both of which are fatal for a fully satisfied life with our partners!

But What About Love?

Here’s a thought for you to chew on.

As women who take control of our own lives, we have or should have achieved one thing in life by now and that is the capability of loving without too many expectations attached.

Yes, we have a lot of love in our hearts to give but try loving without expecting too much in return. This is a much more mature and calmer love and it is precious. I’ll say, love with all your heart. Forget about possessing the person. Preserve your self-esteem and yet bring in a bit of vulnerability that is needed to love.

Love is no longer about someone completing us. This is a fallacy and a burden for someone you love. For this we need to develop a kind of self-love and respect that makes us feel whole. At our stage in life, we’re not seeking any kind of fulfillment through another person - emotionally or sexually.​

I’m going to leave you with this little poem:
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No one is going to love you
exactly how you imagine.
No one is ever going to read
your mind and take every star
from the sky at the perfect
time and hand it to you.
No one is going to show up
at your door on a horse,
with a shoe you lost.
Do you understand?
That’s why you have to love
yourself enough, so that
any other love just adds
more candles to the cake
you’ve already iced.
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        -Stephanie Bennett-Henry