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FIERY OVER FORTY
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THE EVOLVED WOMAN

3/26/2018

10 Comments

 
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I’ve been closely observing women over 45 (including myself, of course), of late, and talking to them a lot. And through all my conversations, I’ve also observed a common character trait that runs through us women in our 40s. 

I feel a kind of restlessness. In them, in myself. Maybe because we have a lot in common as far as our life experiences are concerned. 
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We have:
  • Kept home
  • Raised kids
  • Worked paid jobs
  • Run a household smoothly
  • Socialized and entertained guests
  • Done a lot of firefighting at home and work fronts.

Let’s face it - we’ve been through many ups and downs, put on a brave face and done our duties, and made umpteen sacrifices - cheerfully - for the happiness of the family.
But How Do We See Ourselves?
When we look at ourselves in the mirror, we see a person who’s a far cry from what we used to be.

We see crow’s feet, droopy eyelids and deepening laugh lines, oodles of fat in the wrong places, sagging boobs, greying hair, tired eyes. But deep in our hearts? We’re the same twenty somethings.

Actually, with most of us slowly becoming empty-nesters, we feel even more energetic than we were in our twenties. Has anything changed about the way we think?

Yes! We’ve surely evolved … which is a brilliant thing, but isn’t there still an uncorrupted, boisterous you lurking behind the carefully cultivated mature woman?

The one that breaks free of the shackles when you are with your dear girlfriends, guffawing loudly, cracking jokes and simply being silly.
Feel a Void?
I feel there’s a void in our lives. The restlessness stems from that. 

I see women trying out new things all the time - buying a pet, setting up a new household in a new holiday home, remodelling the old home, planning an expensive holiday, even trying out new looks. 
All in an effort to settle the restlessness and fill this unspeakable void. But where’s it coming from?

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The truth is, we have time on our hands again to delve deep into ourselves and discover an urge to redefine ourselves; to feel we’re still capable of doing a lot more than we ever tried, that there’s still so much more to us than what the world thinks.
Time to Channelize
My solemn and self-tried advice is this: use this restlessness to touch the inner you and bring forth the courage “to be uncomfortable in your comfort zone.” 

In other words, “do something fierce and surprise yourself” (magical words from friends), and really, the sky’s the limit! This is your time to explore new horizons and make friends with the evolved you. Rediscover yourself and give yourself the right to some proper ‘me’ time. You’ve earned it. We all have!

What’s Next! 
I can’t stop smiling at this - I used to listen to Billy Joel’s “My life” at full volume when I was a teenager and now listening to “It’s my life” by Dr. Alban. 

I’ve gone from hoping my parents would hear Billy and get the message (never happened, of course!) to now listening to a song that’ll convince me of MY truth to myself!
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10 Comments
Sushobhona Pal
5/4/2018 01:46:28 am

Wow you have just hit the right button dear! Yes, you have rightly summed up our feelings. When we were young, we did not feel the passing of time, yet we became older everyday. We were too busy to think about ourselves. Now when we have the time and want to do all the things we ever wanted to do, people misread us and say mid life crisis ! Yes we are in a stage of life where we can feel the young teenager in us and we need to channelise these emotions.
Sushobhona

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Tisha Palit link
5/7/2018 05:00:31 am

Thanks for your comment Sushobhona. Glad you identified with my writing. Somehow, I can never come to terms with the phrase "mid-life crisis". A very cold and unfeeling term to describe the phase we are in. It's a glorious yet a bit confusing stage we are in because of societal expectations. As you so aptly put it, we need to channelize our energy and emotions.

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Chandrani roy
5/7/2018 03:47:19 am

You just wrote what I have been harbouring in me and trying hard not to feel. Yes this restlessness. A sudden feeling that time is running by and i have got to do all that i never dared to. Now it is about myself. Keep writing and sending loads of energy your way

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Tisha Palit link
5/7/2018 05:06:38 am

Chandrani, thanks a lot for writing back. Glad I was able to reach out to you through my blog.
You have described it so well....restlessness and a feeling of time is running by. It's a balancing act that is called for now....to stay calm and yet channelize the energy in the right way. It sure is time for action.

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Lopamudra Mishra
5/8/2018 03:39:50 am

I sincerely feel this way...i am always on the run towards the rinishiff line... restless. Always feel at this stage of life i have evolved and empowered myself. Thanks for a genius writing.

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Tisha Palit link
5/8/2018 04:32:08 am

Lopamudra, thanks for your comment. I totally get your restlessness and am glad that you have evolved and empowered yourself. That's exactly what we owe to ourselves. And there's nothing like a sisterhood of women who think on similar lines to feel more empowered.

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Sripriya Satish
5/9/2018 02:30:11 am

You have very aptly described this phase of mid forties and I feel this phase of life is to enjoy the space , the freedom and the 'me' time that most of us long for. At this juncture of life most of us are quite matured and know what life has to offer from different aspects. One is no more bothered about what others would think as its now or never. It could even be pursuing one's passion and finding the purpose of life and feeling contented from within.

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Tisha Palit link
5/9/2018 03:28:25 am

Sripriya, thanks for your comment. This "now or never" aspect is something I personally identify with a lot and I also get to hear about from women in their forties or fifties. Isn't it wonderful to be able to not be bothered about what others have to say about our choices! As you so aptly put it, finding the purpose of life, following one's passion are very important and for that we must spend time with ourselves to figure things out.

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Pinky
5/15/2018 04:04:43 am

I agree what u said ...in our forties we r facing double phase one that of going near to old age and other heart to live teen life again as at this age our kids doesn't like spoon feeding n then we also have time to think for our me time again we have curiosity to do something new different from our past life ...im enjoying my age .

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tisha palit link
5/20/2018 06:10:51 am

Hi Pinky,
Am so glad to hear you are enjoying this very unique stage in your life. As you said, we have a lot of me time and we should indulge in it too.

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    tisha Palit

    - Certified fitness Trainer
    - English and German Teacher
    ​- Meditation Practitioner 

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