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FIERY OVER FORTY
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THE UNIQUE GENERATION - FINDING OURSELVES THROUGH OUR CROSSROADS

12/7/2018

16 Comments

 
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Our generation is unique. And the most understanding generation, because we are the last generation who listened to our parents and also the first which has to listen to their children.
When my daughter was in her teens, this thought used to cross my mind often.

I used to listen to her argue and marvel at her eloquence and felt a tinge of jealousy that I had never been allowed to voice my mind when I was growing up the way she did - the freedom that my daughter’s generation has is because of the way we have raised them. We made a conscious decision to raise them differently.
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Now that I’m an empty nester, my thoughts keep going back to how my mother was when I was 21.

​MY MOTHER’S LEGACY

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I am different in many ways from what she used to be at 50.

First of all, there’s the physical side of it - my mother had a pronounced motherly side to her and it was cultivated with great pride. I used to hear things like “when you are growing older, weight looks good on you.”

I loved the way my mother carried herself in her handloom sarees and in that carriage, there was something very regal about her. She was a “bahu” of the big joint family and she took pride in her status.
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As she’d grown older, she had started to let herself go a bit and the love-handles (she’d be scandalized to hear the term) showed when she worked so dedicatedly in the kitchen.

AND NOW, ME!

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Fast forward to now.

When I compare myself to my mother, I feel there’s absolutely nothing regal about me. At times I shop from the same stores my daughter shops from and I wear the same size of western clothing as she does.
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And unlike my mother, I have discovered fitness with a passion and am into fitting into my skinny jeans. I am in no hurry to look motherly and am not trying to look young either.
My looks just align with the way I feel in my head and I am rather unabashed about it.
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I am also not trying to be someone I am not or I can’t be. I look at myself nude in a full length mirror and have taught myself to accept what I see. I acknowledge my physical side just as I do with my mental side. There’s no shame to it.

THE MENTAL EDGE

Now for the mental side of things - I strongly believe there’s a kind of rebellion in us that questions norms and rules that society has laid out for us, and thankfully, women in our generation don’t seem to be in any hurry to conform to any of them.

In fact, we are finally getting in touch with our inner selves and trying to accept us the way we are.

The ever-self-sacrificing mother that is glorified in our society is not something we identify with totally. We are rediscovering ourselves, redefining our identities, asserting our individualities. We bask in the glory of being ourselves finally. There’s no guilt in taking time out for ourselves even at the risk of being labelled egoistic.

Then there’s the very important aspect of sexuality. We are consciously in touch with our sexual selves and take time to find our pleasures. They are as important to us as they would be for our male counterparts.

I’m so glad that women of our generation feel no shame at being sexual beings even when our children are jumping onto the same boat.

Then comes the behavioral aspect.

The previous generation was into behaving in a certain conservative way in public, cautiously maintaining an image of sobriety and decorum.
And here we stand, in sharp contrast to our mothers and the older generation. Honestly, if you think of yourself and the way you behave in a cafe or a bar when you are with a group of friends, is there any way you can say you don’t behave exactly like you used to when you were 18?

And we love and celebrate our need for space. I have a feeling that we’re the first generation to acknowledge our need for space and “me” time.
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I must say, I find it rather tough to spend a long time under the same roof with my parents and my in-laws. But I make no bones of admitting to it. In fact, my 86 year old father-in-law also tells me that he finds it hard to be with us for too long and needs his space. I really appreciate him for this honesty.
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THE INSIDE STORY

I wasn’t privy to my mother’s inner thoughts, and I don’t think many of us were. I just observed her superficially like any daughter does when she’s growing up and thought that she was very comfortable in her various roles that she played within a joint family structure.

It seems to me that the older generation were more accepting of norms the way the were, and to a big extent, our generation doesn’t.

The more I ponder over how we’ve evolved, as always, my only thought is, don’t fight who you are. Get in touch with your inner self and love yourself the way you are.
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We’ve done our duties our entire lives. We CAN now allow ourselves the ultimate luxury of being ourselves.
16 Comments
Jayshree Ramesh
12/11/2018 03:07:02 am

This article is very relatable!!! I am 42 and find myself in the same scenario as the author .
I commend you on ur painstaking analysis of each nuance of our lives.. ..facets that have been or become such an intrinsic part of our nature but overlooked. Truly our's is the last generation of those ladies who have been brought up in not so orthodox but conventional families but now who do not want too much to do with the bondages of social answerability.

Reply
Tisha Palit link
12/13/2018 01:35:54 am

Dear Jayshree,
Thank you so much for reading the blog and writing back.
"The bondages of social answerability"......you have out it so brilliantly.
Do join our closed group on FB for discussions.
Fiery over 40

Reply
Parul Ringwala
12/13/2018 06:25:00 am

Just as I think of myself these last two years .....Relieved to know m not only the one...

Reply
Tisha link
12/14/2018 01:07:37 am

Dear Parul,
Thanks for writing back.
You are surely not the only one. This is one reason we have a closed FB group where like-minded women get to share our thoughts. Kindly send me an invitation to join the group, Fiery Over 40.

Reply
Dr. Vandana Rajesh
12/13/2018 09:54:37 am

I have not related to any written account lately like I have to this.
In fact the angst of my 4th decade is around how I've made obedient choices rather than suitable ones in my earlier decades.
Now I'm completely in the mood to throw the great Indian rulebook for women out of the window.. and live my remaining decades my way.

Reply
Tisha link
12/14/2018 01:26:13 am

Dear Vandana,
I can't thank you enough for your comment. It blew me away. You've expressed yourself so beautifully.
Do indulge in your moods. We are all in the same boat.
Can I use your words for a post on Fiery Over Forty page? I could use them anonymously if you wish. Your words are too brilliant for the others not to see them. It'd be an honour for me.

Do join our closed FB group, Fiery Over 40, where like-minded people have open discussions.

Reply
Anjana
12/14/2018 09:59:53 pm

I feel our generation is fiery from the very moment we start taking up any role in life. We let the society know that our ego can speak a million words in silence also and is no less important than male ego. We love and accept ourselves . We respect our womanhood.

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Tisha link
12/21/2018 11:38:08 pm

Dear Anjana,
Such lovely words. Hats off to your spirit.

I'd like to invite you to a safe space for women to continue the conversation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fieryoverforty/ - feel free to join the community here.

Reply
Jayshree
12/15/2018 09:33:46 am

I liked this write up because it is so relatable. I am the only child of my parents and am 52 now. My parents live with me. But I often think of how my mom's life at the age in which I am now was different from how mine is... The behavior, the thought process, and in my case also the responsibility that I shoulder, all so distinctly different. I wouldn't have been able to put them down in such an effective right up. Kudos to you!

Reply
Tisha link
12/21/2018 11:40:40 pm

Dear Jayshree,
So glad you related to the blog.
You are the right person to be able to judge the situation. You are living through it.

I'd like to invite you to a safe space for women to continue the conversation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fieryoverforty/ - feel free to join the community here.

Reply
Anamika
12/18/2018 10:37:31 pm

In one phrase 'that's me!!' Wonderful article! Btw I'm in my 40s, latter part of it that is!

Cheers to us!

Reply
Tisha link
12/21/2018 11:42:55 pm

Dear Anamika,
Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it a lot.

I'd like to invite you to a safe space for women to continue the conversation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fieryoverforty/ - feel free to join the community here.

Reply
Dr Reena Khandelwal
12/20/2018 06:16:54 am

Excellent blog
I could relate to it completely
Thanks

Reply
Tisha link
12/21/2018 11:44:45 pm

Dear Reena,
Thanks a lot for writing back.


I'd like to invite you to a safe space for women to continue the conversation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fieryoverforty/ - feel free to join the community here.

Reply
Bindu Garg
12/22/2018 08:22:47 pm

Such a beautiful post. I related to every word. Would like to read more.

Reply
Tisha link
12/23/2018 11:00:45 am

Thanks a lot Bindu.
I'd like to invite you to a safe space for women to continue the conversation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fieryoverforty/ - feel free to join the community here.

Reply



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    tisha Palit

    - Certified fitness Trainer
    - English and German Teacher
    ​- Meditation Practitioner 

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